Morning campers!
The sun has risen on day three in camp fringe - actually, it rose before we even went to bed. We had our dress rehearsal last night. Half twelve til half four. Let me tell you, THAT was an experience. First, however, we must not be keen beans and you must listen to my tales of the day.
We awoke, eager to get into Edinburgh and pick up our flyers and programmes. We had a little bit of sorting of props to do first. Ugly Ginger and I had to find some alcohol for our chav sketch, and ever so luckily, Hot Homo - our techie - found a bottle of Merlot in the van - excellent! Obviously, what with Ugly Ginger being Ugly Ginger, she had to double check this for herself, which provoked her to say, "oh thank God! Is it red merlot?" What a dick.
So then off we ventured to get the bus, our hearts bursting with anticipation and our heads filled with expectations.
First stop, to collect our bus passes for the week. Nothing interesting happened there.
Then we went to C Venues and collected our passes which get us in for free to shows at C Venues and get us cheap alcohol. Much hilarity then ensued. I shall let you into a secret - Hot Homo's real name is Lloyd. They had named him LLody. Excellent. That is now his name.
So we had a wander around the Royal Mile, seeing many interesting sights, and stopped for lunch in Hunters Square at a little cafe called Chocolate Soup.
It is here that I must express my love for all things chocolatey. But I'm sure you already knew this. I had the most beautiful chicken and vegetable soup with a chicken salad roll. I felt like the happiest person on Earth, what with all the flavours and things. AND THEN... I had a brownie. And it was no ordinary brownie. It was a chocolatey, rich, soft, sumptuous, creamy brownie, drizzled in dark and white chocolate, with malteasers and smarties on top. If I had died at that very moment, I would have died a very happy girl indeed.
Then we met Chris and our publicity and marketing manager, Posh Totty Wade. We had a wander around the Royal Mile and decided to queue for tickets to see "The Ginge, The Geordie and The Geek", a comedy trio who Ugly Ginger and I had been to see the previous year. After waiting for an hour, we discovered they were sold out. Fuck my life.
However, it wasn't wasted time. We had Ugly Ginger coin some moronic wonderings such as, "Jodie, what's a troupe? Is it three people? How d'you say it, is it troupay?"
Then we came back and did some food shopping, then headed off to rehearsal. Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. It is now that I come to the next segment in my blog:
Things They Don't Tell You In The Edinburgh Fringe Handbook
1) You will see a smashed beer bottle with blood pouring from it, and if Llody is there, he will say, "I didn't realise Becks was crimson."
2) There are tramps in Edinburgh. 97% of them have dogs - most often, terriers.
3) One of said tramps will be waiting in a wheelchair with a non-disabled accomplice, whilst they rake through the bins.
4) The venue you are rehearsing in is a sweaty shit tip.
5) You will argue.
6) Things will go horrifically wrong, and Ugly Ginger and I will be backstage, hiding, stuffing our faces with doughnuts.
7) If you use a fat suit in your piece, it will go missing, and you will search the venue high and low for it for hours. Only for it to be in the toilet of your campervan.
8) If you are returning from your rehearsal at 5am, Ugly Ginger will attempt to break into the caravan like a criminal, and the security alarm WILL go off.
I hope this has been a merry read. Keep reading and showing your support! Love you
Toodles xx
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