Lesbianism is going well.
Was approached by man in gym. Said I looked like I worked very hard. Was very red and sweaty so had to agree, as am currently size of cow. Asked if I'd like to go for a drink some time. Politely declined - if man was asking me on date had to be either blind or stupid - do not want to be responsible for a man with either quality.
Went out on Wednesday night as was Mr. Pricklepants' birthday. Went to a gay club - fab night, but was approached by no lesbians, therefore rendering me unable to fulfil my project requirements. Then Man Child the Sex God asked me today at work how my night out was and if I was fully fledged lesbian yet. Said no, and told him it was none of his business. He laughed and said he was glad. Weird moment again.
Being lezzer very hard.
EEB and I still in touch. Says he is very busy and is why I never hear from him. Very confused as at one point could barely use phone as was constantly ringing me. Think it is very obvious to others and not so obvious to me. Help and answers on a postcard please.
In other news, am no longer on a cake-only diet. Have joined SAINSBURYS DIETS! Am expanding rapidly so have taken drastic measures to lower size of arse.
... Although fell of dietry wagon on Wednesday with 27 double vodkas followed by a Thursday morning hangover fry up. Did not regret a bite. Also had a pick and mix. Literally cannot stay away from sugar.
Love you
Toodles xx
About Me
Saturday 16 October 2010
Sunday 10 October 2010
Lesbianism vs Photocopier
Good evening.
A few eventful things happened during Day Two of Lezzergate. I am struggling to push myself into having lezzer tendancies - it is quite a difficult thing. Two of my friends are a lesbian couple and they make it look very easy. I must discuss said plan with them as soon as possible, perhaps they could give me tips.
Anyway anyway, today my 'project' was put to the 'test'. Was standing in back office at work, photocopying labels. Phone rang. Woman wanted to order champagne. "Hang on a second madam, will transfer you to restaurant". Did. Carried on copying. Young 18 year old whom I have recently ended an arrangement with (let us call him Man Child - MC?) came into office. Asked me to make him a label for champagne. Agreed. Both standing in tense silence next to copier. Him standing very close to me. Was very tense. Belly making funny movements. Like something out of film I turned around to give him copied label and was face to chest. Very nice chest - remembered it from 'arrangement'. Looked up. MC looked down. Awkward, tense moment. Stood in silence for few seconds (possibly few mintues, hours, days... felt like too long anyway). Then MC thanked me and left office. Was left feeling not lezzer inclined in slightest, and in desperate need of a ride. Most unfortunate.
I am not cut out to be a lesbian. I will persevere though - must remember that I am off men as they are very silly things who either can't keep it in their pants or won't get it out of pants.
Perhaps me being lezzer will not help me through my pain, as am not so inclined. Maybe should take up a hobby - pottery or clay pigeon shooting. Most likely that neither will be a successful experience as don't like to stick hands in wet crap and cannot aim, as discovered on Wii Archery, or some other rubbish game.
Ah, well. I will keep trying to trick myself into fancying ladies. Helpful tips and tricks on a postcard, please.
Love you
Toodles xx
A few eventful things happened during Day Two of Lezzergate. I am struggling to push myself into having lezzer tendancies - it is quite a difficult thing. Two of my friends are a lesbian couple and they make it look very easy. I must discuss said plan with them as soon as possible, perhaps they could give me tips.
Anyway anyway, today my 'project' was put to the 'test'. Was standing in back office at work, photocopying labels. Phone rang. Woman wanted to order champagne. "Hang on a second madam, will transfer you to restaurant". Did. Carried on copying. Young 18 year old whom I have recently ended an arrangement with (let us call him Man Child - MC?) came into office. Asked me to make him a label for champagne. Agreed. Both standing in tense silence next to copier. Him standing very close to me. Was very tense. Belly making funny movements. Like something out of film I turned around to give him copied label and was face to chest. Very nice chest - remembered it from 'arrangement'. Looked up. MC looked down. Awkward, tense moment. Stood in silence for few seconds (possibly few mintues, hours, days... felt like too long anyway). Then MC thanked me and left office. Was left feeling not lezzer inclined in slightest, and in desperate need of a ride. Most unfortunate.
I am not cut out to be a lesbian. I will persevere though - must remember that I am off men as they are very silly things who either can't keep it in their pants or won't get it out of pants.
Perhaps me being lezzer will not help me through my pain, as am not so inclined. Maybe should take up a hobby - pottery or clay pigeon shooting. Most likely that neither will be a successful experience as don't like to stick hands in wet crap and cannot aim, as discovered on Wii Archery, or some other rubbish game.
Ah, well. I will keep trying to trick myself into fancying ladies. Helpful tips and tricks on a postcard, please.
Love you
Toodles xx
Saturday 9 October 2010
Getting off to a slow, sleepy start
Have perhaps fallen at first hurdle. Saw man with very tight trousers on and could not stop staring at excellent set of buttocks. Must start staring at ladies now instead.
My lesbian awakening
Bonsoir.
Yes, you read this correctly. With regards to my previous man-hating blog, I have decided that I simply cannot cope with their ways any longer. After having a brief fling (there was certainly a great deal of 'flinging') with an 18 year old waiter, I realised that I am still oh so alone and hung up on EEB, and something MUST. BE. DONE.
Obviously, my only decision is to become a lesbian.
We now commence the stage in my life where I document my lesbian exploits and such. I doubt I will have such lesbian experiences that are found in pornography materials, but nonetheless, I must venture on in my quest for happiness and fulfilment.
Stay tuned, readers. I am determined to stick this one out - maybe I shall find the love of my life on my travels (be it male, female... or Mr. Pricklepants.)
Love you
Toodles xx
Yes, you read this correctly. With regards to my previous man-hating blog, I have decided that I simply cannot cope with their ways any longer. After having a brief fling (there was certainly a great deal of 'flinging') with an 18 year old waiter, I realised that I am still oh so alone and hung up on EEB, and something MUST. BE. DONE.
Obviously, my only decision is to become a lesbian.
We now commence the stage in my life where I document my lesbian exploits and such. I doubt I will have such lesbian experiences that are found in pornography materials, but nonetheless, I must venture on in my quest for happiness and fulfilment.
Stay tuned, readers. I am determined to stick this one out - maybe I shall find the love of my life on my travels (be it male, female... or Mr. Pricklepants.)
Love you
Toodles xx
Friday 8 October 2010
Reasons Why I Think Men Are Frustratingly Stupid
1) They literally stalk you until you become interested, and then they run away and hide and are harder to find than sweetcorn in shite.
2) Once they are with you, there is always the "ex girlfriend" problem. They either HAVE an ex girlfriend who they are horrifically, mentally in love with, or you are the said ex girlfriend who is left scared and confused at the sexed up mentalist.
3) They piss you off to the point where you have comforting visions of ripping off their lad with your teeth... And then they say something remotely nice and you seem to have had a conk on the head and forgotten it all.
4) They are great, sweaty smelly beasts who revolt you and yet entice you into the knicker-less dance.
5) Most of them chew with their mouth open and dribble on themselves. Those who don't are most probably homosexuals.
6) Most of them insist on giving you a dirty great snog before they've brushed the kebab taste out of their mouth from the night before. Those who don't are most likely homosexuals.
7) When they have pissed you off to high heaven, they are extraordinarily appalling at mind reading, therefore cannot cheer you up in anyway and get you even more fecked off.
They just bloody frigging well annoy me a good majority of the time.
This makes no sense and is merely a rant. If you lady folk have anything to add to this ever-growing list, DO contact me. Answers on a postcard.
Love you
Toodles xx
2) Once they are with you, there is always the "ex girlfriend" problem. They either HAVE an ex girlfriend who they are horrifically, mentally in love with, or you are the said ex girlfriend who is left scared and confused at the sexed up mentalist.
3) They piss you off to the point where you have comforting visions of ripping off their lad with your teeth... And then they say something remotely nice and you seem to have had a conk on the head and forgotten it all.
4) They are great, sweaty smelly beasts who revolt you and yet entice you into the knicker-less dance.
5) Most of them chew with their mouth open and dribble on themselves. Those who don't are most probably homosexuals.
6) Most of them insist on giving you a dirty great snog before they've brushed the kebab taste out of their mouth from the night before. Those who don't are most likely homosexuals.
7) When they have pissed you off to high heaven, they are extraordinarily appalling at mind reading, therefore cannot cheer you up in anyway and get you even more fecked off.
They just bloody frigging well annoy me a good majority of the time.
This makes no sense and is merely a rant. If you lady folk have anything to add to this ever-growing list, DO contact me. Answers on a postcard.
Love you
Toodles xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)