Bonsoir bloggies,

I hope you are all well. Apologies for my lack of blogging these past couple of days - I have been extremely busy and sleepy!
You see, I work at a hotel in Gretna Green, wedding capital of the UK. Do not be disillusioned and think that I know a lot about weddings, however - on the contrary. I know nowt. I work on the reception. And these past few days have been very stressful. The Brummies have officially landed in Gretna Green, with a gang of annoying, snotty-nosed, shitty little children, who, for some unknown reason, are leaving sausage sandwices ALL OVER the hotel. I found at least six on my way to make a cup of tea this morning.
Anyway anyway anyway, the stress came from these little 'wipes playing with the lift, incessantly. I come to work this morning. Cue at least seven hundred little bastards running towards me, screaming.
Jodie: "Sorry guys, could you be a bit quieter so the rest of the guests can get some sleep?"
Little shits: "Noooo, we wont to ploaaayyyy." (Me typing Brummie.)
Jodie: "I understand that, but you need to be a bit quieter because you're very loud."
LS: "Fock ooffff."
Jodie: "Excuse me, don't talk like that, I'm sure your mum wouldn't appreciate that kind of language."
LS: "Well she's not gonna heaur eet cos we're gonna plauy een the leeft."
Jodie: "It's not a toy."
LS: "Yees it ees."
Jodie: "It's not though, is it?"
LS: "Yees it ees."
Jodie: "It isn't."
LS: "Fock oofff."
Jodie: "Fine. Play in the lift. But if it breaks, don't blame me."
LS: "Foine."
So they ran away to play in the lift. And it broke. And I left them locked in it for half an hour before ringing the fire brigade. I believe that this exercise was character building, and was needed to teach them a lesson.
Their parents did not agree.
Oh well.
Fuck it.

Anyway, in conclusion, I'm tired. Partly because I work full time at child-torture. But also because of Fringe rehearsals! Hooray!
They're going extremely well. As I think I've mentioned previously, we hired an elderly man to play the main part in our show, and he is incredible! So do me a fav and book your tickets.

Now, I may seem rather pretentious here, but I want to link you a website! Kent Fancy showed me this today, and I think it's really cool. http://www.postsecret.com/ is this website where people can send in their homemade postcards with a secret of theirs on them. It's meant to be an art exhibition/experiement thingy, and I think it's pretty amazing, so I reccommend you look at it, if you have a spare 5 minutes to kill.

I am currently watching '500days of Summer'. It really is rather good - one of my favourite films actually, and it stars the absolutely sickeningly, knee-tremblingly, be sick out of my face gorgeous Joseph Gordon Levitt. Google him. And let the magic happen. I would just like to state that he is my idea of a perfect man: tall, dark, handsome, quiet, brooding, intelligent, likes good music, and is very interesting. If anyone knows of where I can find someone like him, please contact me. If you are this person (and I am aware someone like him exists) please hurry up and fall in love with me. Ta, greatly appreciated.

I'm off for now - I need to soak up JGL while I can.

Toodles, xxx