Basically, I had a few of my many fans 'approach' me at my Graduation this Tuesday informing me that they enjoy my blog and I should keep writing. This, therefore, is my next entry. (For the record, I know you love my blog, but as I am so famous I do need my privacy and I don't appreciate fans just hassling me for entries in the street. Thanks.)
So the Monday night before graduation, all of the graduates (or is it graduands? I kept hearing this word and to be honest I haven't the foggiest of the difference between the two) decided to meet up for a celebratory pint in our student local, The Crown. I must admit, I was so very excited to see everybody! I had seen nothing but my stupid flatmates for months (there's only so much ugly gingerness a gal can take) and I was looking forward to some sane company.
Then I remembered I went to University of Cumbria. Sanity is in short supply and is definitely not handed out amongst performing arts students.
I believe it is time to introduce a new character into my blog - one of my greatest fans, in fact. (BY THE WAY I MUST INSERT THIS HERE - MR PRICKLEPANTS NEEDS CONVINCING TO BRING ME MY ANGEL DELIGHT WHICH I PREPARED EARLIER. YOU ARE A SEXY MAN AND I LOVE YOU. FETCH IT ME NOW.) Anyway, our great friend Twinkle Toes left UoC to pursue a career in dance at Laban in London. She walked through the door of The Crown and we all leapt upon her with such happiness! I had forgotten how much I missed her! I think she is most likely still scarred from the incident.
Other people of note who I was extremely happy to see were the other fringies. Especially Chris, my naughty honorary brother.
I shall now run down some notable events from this occasion.
1) Many hats did fall off. I nearly lost mine in the cathedral where a flatmates mum said, "Get your bloody hat on, you're in a place of worship!"
2) I talked during nearly every nice photograph of us all. Most photos have everybody looking gorgeous and smiley, and me scratching my arse and catching flies. With my hat on the floor.
3) You get pictures with people you haven't spoken to for nearly the entirety of your degree, because their mummy wants a picture of lots of people in gowns.
4) To continue, my parents were on a cruise (thank GOD) so I just adopted everyone else's families. It's better that way. You can give them back when you get too pissed.
5) Free wine at the reception after a day of no food is a blessing in disguise. It numbed the pain of talking to annoying people and their families.
6) On the night out, Petit Filous Bear and I shared a toilet cubicle. Due to my drunkeness I thought we had reached that level of friendship where I could poo in front of her. She did not allow this, but permitted me a single expulsion of wind. I did it.
Me: "I've farted."
PFB: "That's disgusting. I didn't realise we were that close, but ok."
Me: "Don't tell anyone."
PFB: "Hurry up and pull your tights up."
Me: "THAT STINKS! OH MY GOD."
PFB: ".........."
7) I did eventually get my poo. I've never pooed on a night out before but I really felt that, as it was my last night out ever in Carlisle, I owed it to the place to leave my mark. Boom boom chhhhhh.
8) Apple sourz. Followed by sambuca. Repeat until dancing to macarena with a double vodka orange in hand and empty bowels.
9) More dancing to such classics such as The Hand Jive and Saturday Night. Very difficult after 17 double vodkas and a dangerously large shit.
10) Jaw ache after smiling for so many photos. I wish I could give another reason for the ache.
11) Drinking cocktails out of a teapot. I don't even use them for tea, let alone cosmopolitans.
12) Trying to get my tongue around "cosmoteapotolitans".
13) Waking up in the morning to a horrendous bank statement and an unshakeable feeling of shame. Followed by Lloyds breakfast and McDonalds in quick succession.
What a wonderful graduation! I shall write more blogs when anything memorable happens in my boring life.
Love you
Toodles xx
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