So today's failure level has reached a whole new level (if we are going by the last 24 hours that is, and not since I woke up this morning).
Yesterday, Petit Filous Bear and I took a stroll around the Carlisle Christmas Market. I pointed out to PFB that it was not really a market, more a few stalls with miserable sods giving out free stuff. She nodded and mostly agreed with me. We were quite bored until we reached a stand which was being represented by my workplace. I made a bit of idle chatter (as - as I'm sure you are well aware - I hate them all) and decided it was time to wander on. PFB however seemed to disagree with me and proceeded to buy some mulled wine, with which you got a free mince pie. She gave that to me, as she knows my fondness for baked goods, and I was quite happy.
UNTIL!! Hot man child's mother appeared. She works within the same company and literally appeared round the corner. I rushed my goodbyes, grabbed PFB by her mulled wine and we raced around the corner. She was alarmed and shell shocked, until I explained the situation to her. She was quite happy with my explanation and we meandered on.
In front of us appeared a cup cake stall. I would like to say that this was just mere chance but I would be lying. I had been to the "market" a few days before and sniffed out said stand. I pleaded with PFB for a cake. I said she had to buy me one as I was so poor and starving, and lucky for her (face) she obliged. We were quite a happy twosome, wandering around with our food and beverage purchases and feeling very content and Christmassy, if a little cold.
This is where the dream ended, my friends.
PFB had a hankering for mashed potato. I suggested that on the way home we stopped by Iceland and she could buy her potato. She said "Yes, what a marvellous idea. I will wait by the door in my car, give you my money and you can jog in, buy a potato and then we can go home where tea-eating can commence". I felt like I could not decline, given that she had just bought me an epic cupcake. So we pulled up at Iceland, she gave me a pound, and I nipped in.
It is here that I should point out that Cumbria has had a sort of freak snow storm. The floor was covered in a sheet of Christmassy goodness and people had been traipsing in and out with their slushy feet, making the floor very slippery and wet. I imagine you can only guess what happened next.
It happened very slowly. Like a scene from a film. I walked through the door. I turned. There, in front of me, was my goal. The potato. I only had to walk a few steps on this ice rink of a floor and I would be there, vegetable in hand, little pound coin hot in my sweaty, gloved fingertips ready to pay. Apparently, God had no such plan for me.
I fell. I fell fast and hard. Right on to my back side. There was a man behind me, looking at frozen chicken satay. He was in no position to judge, but JUDGE HE DID. I attempted to get up quickly to recover the situation. That damn floor - it was so slippery that nobody stood a chance. So I fell again.
Fell twice in the space of twenty seconds.
I rushed to my feet and pelted to the till. She scanned the potato and I threw my pound at her, before pelting it out the door and to the Filous Mobile. She laughed. I did not.
Also, it's so fecking cold in these parts I had to drive with socks on my hands! Please tell me if someone else has done this. PFB laughed a lot when I explained my reasoning behind it - was cold and lacked gloves at time - and she didn't understand! Surely tis better to have a socked hand than a frozen hand?!
I was convinced today that I was working from 1pm - 9pm. In I trot at 12.50pm, ready to start my shift. Manager takes me to back office. Tells me I am 2 hours early, but since I am here, go upstairs and help housekeeping service rooms. Not a happy chappy. Atired... chappy.
So here I am, sat in work, not meant to be using the computers for personal reasons, TIRED, cold, and a dog has been sick on the carpet. (Forgot I had to tell you something. Very loud dog barking in room. Told dog owners to make it be quiet. Asked if I could watch dog til they ate their tea. Obliged - love dogs. Not this one. Was grumpy and spewed. Office now smelling of hot sick and I am working ten hour shift. Directly blaming dog.) Last 24 hours have not been so good for moi! Luckily, myself and my merry men are travelling to Londontown tomorrow to look for a house, so we can finally move away from this hellhole!
Oh, I must inform you, Jizz from fringe has started blogging! She's only done a few entries but I have laughed thus far. Please follow her: http://futurespiceshopowner.blogspot.com/
Keep reading!
Love you
toodles xx
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