"Oh no, not Jason Bieber..."

Hello, blog. We meet again. It has been some time.

As my regular readers will have guessed I have been now living in London for nearly two months. I am employed by a well known bank... although I still haven't had my first day. Life is very dull, considering this is the capital, the big smoke, the hub of the United Kingdom. However, I have had a few interesting experiences so far, which I will tell you about whilst attempting to be as witty and charming as possible (not very).

First thing of note was a job that I was offered, at which I lasted ONE DAY. Yes, maybe I should have stuck it out, I hear you cry - unfortunately, this was impossible as I am impatient. It was at a gym (ironic, I know) where I was to be one of three receptionists. This was fine, as I have done this before. I will outline my first shift.

4.30am

That's right - A.M. I wake up and get in to the shower. Already feeling rather peeved as it is so bloody early and dark and raining. 

5.30am

Catch the tube to work. Am quietly confident that tube will be dead at this time of morning. AM HORRIBLY WRONG. Tube desperately packed and I am sweaty and tired. Anger levels rising.

5.45am

Get off tube and walk entirely wrong direction. Turn around and walk other way.

6am

Arrive at work. Other receptionist is late. Am worried but go inside and go to reception - what else am I to do?

6.30am

Members arrive. Computers are down so I am panicking. Tell them to go in anyway. They say lockers will not work unless I swipe their card. Could not care less, but tell them it will be fine.

7am

Other receptionist finally arrives. Is Polish.

7.30am - 11am

Computers are down until 9am. Am trying to help members but Polish bint is telling them to ignore me as I am new and "don't know what I am talking about". RAGE.

11 - 11.30am

Break. Walk around block with a costa, debating next move.

11.30am

"Induction". Manager tells me no time for induction, but sign sheet anyway. 

11.30am - 2.30pm

Be patronised by the Polish and am made to clean the bogs. Apparently am cleaner now.

2.30pm

Leave work and phone Dad. Cry as am tired and huffy. Get tube home and fall asleep at 9pm.

Now, I realise I may have been dramatic, but I cannot hack early starts and the other receptionist was mean. Luckily, the bank were waiting for me (Mum works there) and I was employed rather soon after (although currently still waiting for first day, meaning I am el skinto).

Ugly Ginger has had some rather eventful times. I shall give you my top ten (many consist of her opinions whilst watching the television).

1) UG went to the toilet and dropped her phone down it. Cue drying it for hours on radiator and loss of number four button. Now cannot text properly and all messages received are riddles composed by an imbecile.

2) Watching television and a man comes on and starts singing. UG, rather excitedly, "oooooh look, it's Michael Buble!" Mr Pricklepants, in reply, "no. That's Russell Watson." Idiot.

3) Watching 'Celebrity Juice' and Keith Lemon pretends to Riverdance to an Irish dancing soundtrack. All of us laughing, including Ugly Ginger. At end, she sighs, "so, were he really dancing then?"

4) Watching Brit Awards, "ooooh, no, not Jason Bieber." ...

5) Walking around trying to find somewhere cheap to eat, Mr Pricklepants gets out his mobile phone to see if he can search for any vouchers. UG: "oooh have you got any vouchers on your iPod?"

6) Ugly Ginger is seen putting a photograph of Kate Middleton above bedroom mirror. When questioned, she responds, "I would like to get dressed, look in the mirror and think, 'would Kate wear this?'"

7) UG's boyfriend is looking at her rather large breasts. She decides to be spontaneous and proclaims, "ooooh just speedboat me!"

8) Discussing the rap artist, M.I.A. Me: "I quite like that song by M.I.A." UG: "Emma who?"

9) UG: "JODIE!" Me: "What?" UG: "Nothing... I just wanted to say your name."

10) UG on Billy Elliot: "All the dancers came out in their tattoos... Oh, I mean tutus."

We are also currently two housemates down. Petit Filous Bear is up north working with children doing a theatre piece and High Horse is back in Carlisle visiting her 'life partner' and having a super time. This unfortunately means that the house has been left in the dangerous hands of Ugly Ginger, Mr Pricklepants and myself. PFB and HH are the adults in the house and take care of all important matters whilst we eat chocolates and run around. I am expecting that on their return we will all be sat on the naughty step to think about how to be grown ups and look after the house, as currently we have no food in the fridge apart from a day old chicken pie and some yoghurt, with the heating on and spillages on the carpet. SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK.

Now, this is really all I have to say at the moment on London life. I'm about to watch 'The Devil Wears Prada' with Mr P - his favourite film, of which he knows all of the lines - before retiring to bed. Good night.

Love you

Toodles xx